No, Really, I'm Happy

Is it possible to feel genuinely happy for someone's fulfillment of a particular dream you once had? I ask as a friend of mine is on the precipice of embarking on a journey I once made, excpet I never made the destination. Truth be told I very much hope she does so she can realize her dream. The dream of becoming a mother.

I had a hysterectomy at 26 due to complications from Endometriosis. I was never able to have kids. Did I want them? Absolutely. It was a cruel paradox that I, lover of all kids, kindergarten teacher, child psychology major and Aunt extraordinaire could not. After several years of marriage my husband I made the decision to adopt, and after diligently completing everything from home studies to birth letters we found a potential birth mother. It was a partially open/legal adoption in that the birth mother would chose us, meet us and exchange photographs of her child to be until a certain age at which point it would become closed. I was excited at the possibility of fulfilling a lifelong dream and as the months progressed I broke cardinal rule number one; I became emotionally involved. I ignored pleas from those around who suggested I stay guarded as the excitement of becoming a mother became all encompassing. By this time we were subsidizing her medical costs and anything pre-natal related. The rose colored glasses were firmly affixed as the months progressed and it was at the end of her 8th month that I broke cardinal rule number two; I had a baby shower. I received precious gifts from well meaning friends and family who, while sharing in my obvious elation, remained cautiously aware that things could go awry. And they did.

I got the phone call in the newly transformed nursery. She changed her mind. She was keeping the baby. And as I sank to the floor, hugged my knees to my chest, rocked back and forth and sobbed I felt a pain of loss unlike any other I have ever experienced. I'm not sure how you can mourn something that was never yours to own but trust me when I say you can.

Fast forward 8 years. My friend (who also can't have children) got a call that may very well change her life. And you know what? In my heart of hearts as I sit here and cry I truly hope it does.

10 tell it like it is:

The Casual Perfectionist :

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. The power of something potential is just as real as if it were tangible. Grief can't tell the difference. :(

I really hope things work out for your friend!!

SoMi's Nilsa :

Oh wow. While I have never experienced your kind of loss, I do believe in it wholly. Fully. I'm so sorry. And can only hope that your friend learned from your experiences to make her own better.

Britt :

You amaze me with your strength. My heart goes out to you and your friend <3

Mama Kelly :

{{{{{ hun }}}}}

I am happy for your friend but oh am I saddened for all the feelings I know this has to have evoked for you. Know that just like any loss this is one that will always be with you to one degree or another and it is okay to still grieve it when circumstances bring it back to the surface.

Know I am thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful night.

TC :

Oh this breaks my heart.

There can be no totally happy ending. I hope, for her sake, that your friend gets her baby. And I hope that you get some peace. It won't ever be easy knowing that she might get what you always wanted, but it might hurt you both even more if she doesn't.

I'm so sorry.

Mandy :

I am sorry for your loss. I hope your friend reaches that destination.

The New Black :

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I wish all the best for both you and your friend.

Kristen :

this was so candid. and eye opening. and hopefully somewhat therapeutic.

so sorry you had to go through something like that.

sassafras :

Wow. That would have devestated me. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

angel, jr. :

I am so sorry that you had to endure this loss.
And you were brave enough to share it with your readers!!