You Know Who You Are....

To whomever used the elliptical before me:

That clearly marked spray bottle with the blue stuff in it that sits adjacent to the machine? Yeah. That's called sanitizer and it's there for sweat-noxious individuals such as yourself who drop their beads of germ infested ICK everywhere. Cuz me? I'm really not into using my fingers as human windshield wipers whilst attempting to input my data or placing my hands in vats of your bodily fluids while holding on, K?

Girl who just got over third round of flu/cold.

To woman who does my bikini wax:

I totally hear that you're mad at your husband for fooling around. And I'm way empathetic that you're in desperate need of sex but your anger and frustration do not bode well in the presence of hot wax and my delicate bikini area. I think you took off my top layer of skin that last time. Call me after you've seen your therapist, K?

Girl soaked in Aloe Vera.

To UPS man,

No, I'm not interested. Can I just please have my packages or do I need to keep hiding?

Girl who's seriously considering buying less online.

To my long time manicurist,

I get it. You don't want me to understand what you're saying. But every time you abruptly stop our conversation in English and begin hurriedly chatting away in Vietnamese I get paranoid. I know you know this and you're probably talking about my dry feet. Cut it out.

Girl with foot complex.

11 tell it like it is:

midorimemoirs :

I get annoyed when people switch to speaking their native language in my presence.

Makes me feel like I'm being talked about.

And I just hate small-talk at the saloon or anywhere I get service. I just wanna get that haircut, I don't really feel like talking about the weather.


Ally :

To the guy on the elliptical who appears to have been going as hard as possible for the last hour:

If you'd quit draping your entire upper body across the handlebars, you could cut your workout in half and strengthen your core. You could also avoid drenching the entire elliptical in your torrential sweat.

Girl Who'd Like to See You Become Fit and Who Is Grossed Out by Wet Machines

Britt :

Why do people not clean their machines. I never understood this bizarre phenomenon!

Classy in Philadelphia :

Haha, the gym grosses me out in general.

I hate when my nail lady switches languages and all her co-workers laugh...ahhhh drives me nuts!

Frank :

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DON'T WIPE DOWN EXERCISE EQUIPMENT. When I had my injury and couldn't run, I was on the elliptical every day for 6 weeks. There's nothing like getting on a machine only to find that it's dripping in warm sweat. Just the thought of it makes me gag...

Regardless of whether the machines have been wiped down or not, I still wash my hands for, like, 10 minutes after I use the gym.

anne :

LOVE the blog, so PINK.. my favourite color

TC :

I love posts like this :)

Blondie :

This was great to read! I share all the same sentiments!

Mrs. Mogul :

Wait!, Your bikini wax person tells you all that? is a bikini wax? I am afraid to have one!

Amber :

This post was cute. :)

It is so hard to find the perfect nail tech... it has taken me years but I think I have finally found her! lol!

Grant Miller :

That was me on the eliptical.