To whomever used the elliptical before me:
That clearly marked spray bottle with the blue stuff in it that sits adjacent to the machine? Yeah. That's called sanitizer and it's there for sweat-noxious individuals such as yourself who drop their beads of germ infested ICK everywhere. Cuz me? I'm really not into using my fingers as human windshield wipers whilst attempting to input my data or placing my hands in vats of your bodily fluids while holding on, K?
Girl who just got over third round of flu/cold.
To woman who does my bikini wax:
I totally hear that you're mad at your husband for fooling around. And I'm way empathetic that you're in desperate need of sex but your anger and frustration do not bode well in the presence of hot wax and my delicate bikini area. I think you took off my top layer of skin that last time. Call me after you've seen your therapist, K?
Girl soaked in Aloe Vera.
To UPS man,
No, I'm not interested. Can I just please have my packages or do I need to keep hiding?
Girl who's seriously considering buying less online.
To my long time manicurist,
I get it. You don't want me to understand what you're saying. But every time you abruptly stop our conversation in English and begin hurriedly chatting away in Vietnamese I get paranoid. I know you know this and you're probably talking about my dry feet. Cut it out.
Girl with foot complex.