Back In the Saddle Again.......with MS

Whew! I've been seriously AWOL for a while now but something small yet resounding stirred within me today to begin writing again. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers but if I have I hope to win them, and more, back.

First let me give you the reason for my extended absence. In a word; health. Or lack of thereof.

It began when I returned from spending time helping a relative who'd just had a baby. I had spent two weeks literally doing everything and anything she needed while she regrouped. The change in me was palpable on the journey back as I recall telling my Mother how fatigued I felt. My first night home i just crashed and although restless, I managed to sleep for almost two days straight getting up just to use the restroom. I had no interest in food, family or anything else but sleep. Well one week turned to a month when other symptoms began to accompany the immense fatigue. My fever began spiking, sometimes hovering around 102.0 for days on end. My Internist was on maternity leave so I had to see a very rushed, and extremely green, new associate. Unfortunately he felt my fatigue and continued fever were tantamount to a virus,hence,he wrote prescriptions for the anti-viral 'du-jour' and i left feeling confident I'd be feeling better in no time. Jump ahead one month. Id become more fatigued, and extremely resistant to what was now the fourth anti viral. As well, my fever remained leaving me so desperate for answers yet when I'd call the adjunct Internist, the office (who was now becoming irritated with my pleas for help) told me to keep calling and if I was stable that was okay. A fever of 102.0 for two weeks stable? While my family thought this was ludicrous who were we to second a physician whom we'd seen numerous times for this situation? We'd soon come to find this was far more then any situation when, upon waking the very next day I'd suddenly lost all cognition. My speech badly slurred, left leg heavy and immobile, loss of equilibrium and bumping into walls I was terrified I'd suffered a stroke or had a seizure while sleeping. Little did I know what I was in for.

I immediately saw a neurologist who, after performing an extensive exam, scheduled me for an MRI of my brain. I was terrified during the MRI as it began with strapping me into the machine with my head in a cushioned vice-like contraption to keep it still as well as a literal cage to go over my face; think Hannibal Lector.The addition of an IV as well as keeping still for two hours while loud, frightening noises resounded invoked anxiety and tears of which didn't subside until I was safely home and given something for anxiety.

The next test I had to do was a Spinal tap or Lumbar Puncture. The only good thing about this test was that I was given propophol and was anesthetized. the only memory being a very sore back for about a week.


Lesions on my brain with no other tests coming back positive could only mean one thing,

Multiple Sclerosis.

MS? Me? Suddenly the chronic falls, bumping into walls and sudden loss of cognition and equilibrium added up. What I learned is that I suffered an Episode of which probably wouldn't have come to fruition if not for the high fever and it's lengthily duration. Heat, both internal and external can be a precursor to an episode as was the case with me.

So here I am. Scared and learning to live with this chronic illness. My equilibrium, while not perfect, has improved as well as my leg, while somewhat heavy and useless, is improving.

So that's where Ive been. I'm in and out of depression trying to manage life with limitations both mental and physical as well as learning all I can about how to offset any further episodes. I've not picked up a book or magazine for almost a year so to have sat down and written this is a huge step.

The future is looking brighter.......

9 tell it like it is:

Britt :

Been wondering what had happened to you, so how lovely to see a post pop up on my reader. I'm so sorry to hear about feeling so ill for so long. I really hope you can continue to manage the MS without incident for a long long time. Welcome back to the land of the living (and blogging)! We've missed you!

Jess :

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this, and sorry to hear that it took so long for you to get a proper diagnosis. I'm glad that you are now in good hands, though, and I hope that you'll be able to manage the MS and continue to make improvements. Keep us posted!

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields :

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's wonderful to have you back and we're here if you need support! Praying for you!

Coco :

Oh wow! I have wondered where you were and what was happening. I am SO sorry to hear this! However, one small step: getting it diagnosed. There is nothing worse than knowing you don't feel right and something is wrong and being unable to name it.

Lara :

Hi there, I am new to your blog, and blogging in general. So sorry that you have had this news, MS has shown its presence in my family with my maternal grandmother. I don't know a huge amount about it but after being told it may be hereditary I did a little research on the net a year or so ago, and from what I can recall the prognosis is not as bleak as it first seems and many if not most still live a full and happy life, albeit with some adjustments. Main thing is it is important to listen to your body and respond to what it is asking you for. I also understand there are lots of really helpful forums out there, so when you are feeling up to it that may be an avenue you want to pursue. I personally just want to wish you the best of luck in dealing with this new development in your ife.

Pink Drama :

it's good to see you back. i pretty much don't blog anymore. my life is so boring i fall asleep just thinking about it!

i'm sorry you were diagnosed with MS. but at least with MS you have a good chance at remission and can still lead a pretty high-functioning life. i had a lovely boss who has MS. she's such a sweet lady. if you didn't know her extremely well, you never would have guessed.

i'm sure that just as with all of your other endeavors, you'll conquer MS with grace and pure gumption.

*hugs to you my friend*

brookem :

Oh, I'm so sorry that you have had such a rough go of it over the past several months. I'm sending you lots of positive energy and good thoughts your way..

As you may or may not know, my ManFriend was diagnosed with MS about a year and a half ago. I remember how scary it was... the uncertainty, the not knowing what it was, all of the tests, the MRI's, and coming to terms with the reality of the diagnosis. It's a scary road, that's for sure, but what I can say from his experience is that once he knew what it was, things began to become a bit more clear, within time. He was able to learn more about it, better prepare for the side effects, and made himself aware of what he could do to gain some control over the disease itself. I know it sounds scary right now, but if you ever want to talk to me, or to him, either of us would be more than willing to chat. He's amazing and maybe can answer some of your questions, or just listen to your experience, from someone who has been there. And I am sending you tons of good energy and positive thoughts, and many hugs. You will get through this.... chin up honey. Hugs.

brookem :

hey there... just checking in. wondering if you got the email from my boyfriend? just hoping it didn't go to spam!

GirlGoyle :

So sorry for the terrible news. I guess this disease strikes without discretion. It's however good to have you back blogging.