Back In the Saddle Again.......with MS

Whew! I've been seriously AWOL for a while now but something small yet resounding stirred within me today to begin writing again. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers but if I have I hope to win them, and more, back.

First let me give you the reason for my extended absence. In a word; health. Or lack of thereof.

It began when I returned from spending time helping a relative who'd just had a baby. I had spent two weeks literally doing everything and anything she needed while she regrouped. The change in me was palpable on the journey back as I recall telling my Mother how fatigued I felt. My first night home i just crashed and although restless, I managed to sleep for almost two days straight getting up just to use the restroom. I had no interest in food, family or anything else but sleep. Well one week turned to a month when other symptoms began to accompany the immense fatigue. My fever began spiking, sometimes hovering around 102.0 for days on end. My Internist was on maternity leave so I had to see a very rushed, and extremely green, new associate. Unfortunately he felt my fatigue and continued fever were tantamount to a virus,hence,he wrote prescriptions for the anti-viral 'du-jour' and i left feeling confident I'd be feeling better in no time. Jump ahead one month. Id become more fatigued, and extremely resistant to what was now the fourth anti viral. As well, my fever remained leaving me so desperate for answers yet when I'd call the adjunct Internist, the office (who was now becoming irritated with my pleas for help) told me to keep calling and if I was stable that was okay. A fever of 102.0 for two weeks stable? While my family thought this was ludicrous who were we to second a physician whom we'd seen numerous times for this situation? We'd soon come to find this was far more then any situation when, upon waking the very next day I'd suddenly lost all cognition. My speech badly slurred, left leg heavy and immobile, loss of equilibrium and bumping into walls I was terrified I'd suffered a stroke or had a seizure while sleeping. Little did I know what I was in for.

I immediately saw a neurologist who, after performing an extensive exam, scheduled me for an MRI of my brain. I was terrified during the MRI as it began with strapping me into the machine with my head in a cushioned vice-like contraption to keep it still as well as a literal cage to go over my face; think Hannibal Lector.The addition of an IV as well as keeping still for two hours while loud, frightening noises resounded invoked anxiety and tears of which didn't subside until I was safely home and given something for anxiety.

The next test I had to do was a Spinal tap or Lumbar Puncture. The only good thing about this test was that I was given propophol and was anesthetized. the only memory being a very sore back for about a week.


Lesions on my brain with no other tests coming back positive could only mean one thing,

Multiple Sclerosis.

MS? Me? Suddenly the chronic falls, bumping into walls and sudden loss of cognition and equilibrium added up. What I learned is that I suffered an Episode of which probably wouldn't have come to fruition if not for the high fever and it's lengthily duration. Heat, both internal and external can be a precursor to an episode as was the case with me.

So here I am. Scared and learning to live with this chronic illness. My equilibrium, while not perfect, has improved as well as my leg, while somewhat heavy and useless, is improving.

So that's where Ive been. I'm in and out of depression trying to manage life with limitations both mental and physical as well as learning all I can about how to offset any further episodes. I've not picked up a book or magazine for almost a year so to have sat down and written this is a huge step.

The future is looking brighter.......