Frustrated

MS stinks.

We clear? Good.

Seriously,  I know I should be leading off this post with something inspirational and not so effing negative caustic but that's just how I'm feeling this morning.

It's super frustrating to be doing all the"right" things yet get all the wrong results. Case in point:

I work out with a trainer three times a week and even though there are times I can literally only lie on my back and work from there I give it my all. Yesterday I was able to actually do some "real" exercises and instead of feeling revitalized and better I could barely get up this morning. My arms burned and felt quasi numb and my legs, although happily sore from the number of repetitions, couldn't lift on their own to get into my sweats. This isn't to say I think working out is counter productive, rather, there are some mornings where I see absolutely no correlation between the things I do to strengthen myself and actually bettering my situation. It's just so frustrating.

I refuse to give up, however, because to give up would mean the MS wins and to me that's just not an option. Am I scared on the days I can't shower without tears of frustration or dress without a few choice words flying out of my mouth? Absolutely. But I quickly succumb to the realization that things could be much worse and that I am extremely blessed.

But today I still think MS stinks.

De-Friended over Mitt...

The De-friend button on Facebook mystifies me. I suppose it's not so much the button so much as it's public nature so you, too, can see who has just lost interest in you.

As much as I thought I'd never have to experience this first hand, this morning I was proven wrong. However, instead of being left to ponder reasons as to why someone would possibly want to let go of my riveting posts and valued friendship, I was blatantly told.

Ready?

I like Mitt Romney.

Seriously? Yeah...

I was told this individual would no longer associate with any persons liking the Romney/Ryan ticket and unless I changed my "likes" I'd promptly be De-Friended. Well I didn't change my likes and well, you know the rest.....

But let me ask you, those of you still reading this conservative chick's blog, can you, yourself rise above this political quagmire? Would you let a friend go because of political ideology even if said friend never made politics fodder for debate? I think it's pretty clear this friend was never a friend at all but rather one of a number of people among my posse who really don't know the real me.

I guess it's not up for debate.

For the Love of Steven!

I'm in a love/hate relationship. We see one another three days a week and he's usually pretty hard on me. Thinking I might be delusional in my choice of amores? Well, you might be right but this "love" I'm referring to is my trainer, Steven.

Don't get me wrong, I love working out, especially when propelled to new levels of endurance you once thought impossible. It's those days when you feel like the MS is all invasive or the pain overwhelming that you want to spew profanities at the mere thought of one more push up. But that's when Steven does his best work as he sees in me things I cannot see in myself and allows me to push beyond the comfort zone into an alternate universe where I CAN and I DO!

He just left and I feel that wonderful afterglow that a woman can get one of two ways...and since we're only friends that would leave a killer workout! I feel more confident, assured and able then the MS could ever counter and to me, well, that's a reason to smile.


The Loss of Lucy

This is a difficult post to write. After rescuing my Golden, Lucy, last fall I lost her to Spleen Cancer last month. It's like a cruel joke....given enough time to completely fall in love with her she's suddenly and inexplicably taken away.


Lucy enjoying her yard
She left me on a beautiful Saturday in September. The sky was bright blue and the birds were still singing as the heat persisted. I had found out the previous Wednesday Lucy had cancer of the spleen and was bleeding internally. After a failed transfusion she began to show real signs death was imminent Saturday morning. I phoned my Vet and asked him to come to the house so Lucy wouldn't have to incur any more trauma. Fortunately, he consented and within a few hours she was in my arms as the fatal injection was given.

Such a juxtaposition to have the flow of life all around me while life stopped so suddenly for her.

To say I miss her is a gross understatement. I tear as I look up on the mantle and see her picture yet know she was the start of something far more beautiful than even she could have imagined. Because of Lucy I am going to rescue again and after that again and once again after that...you get the picture.

Her legacy will live on long after she is gone just as it has.