Bring it 2014

As another year comes to a close I think back to the twelve months of 2013 and, as I often do at this time of year, become both melancholy and motivated. What is it about the culmination of a year that invokes such powerful emotion? I find this time of the year to be quite juxtaposition as I both long for times gone by and yearn for those not yet experienced.

I suppose there is somewhat of a mourning process for me when each year concludes. While I await, with cautious optimism, the months ahead, I know all too well that time marches on and like it or not I need to embrace the newness and let go of the old. The thing about time is that you can’t retrieve it. Once it’s gone it’s gone forever and you had better hope that you used yours wisely.

The two questions I ask myself on this, the precipice of a new year, are:

Did I use my time to the best of my abilities?

When I leave this earth will my time spent have made an impact?

As much as I hope to utilize my time I know many hours of my life are spent on the couch dreaming. Let me preface this by saying I am not resting my laurels by choice but by virtue of this thing we call MS. So I ask myself, as I am certain you do, how do I make the very most of our time give limited mobility? Loaded question. Short answer? I write my little heart out both is an effort to purge myself and reach others. While my writing may be perceived to simply help others I must confess it’s quite the antithesis. When emotions run high and tears fall from my eyes I turn to writing as its cathartic. Even as I write this my eyes fill with water as I have such a desire to do so many things yet feel like I am on the sidelines of life much of the time.  Having said this I am not into pity parties or crying myself to sleep, rather, I prefer to do what I can with what I have. These tears only propel me further and serve as fuel for my desire to live my time with purpose.

We all wonder how we will be remembered once our short time here on earth concludes. I am not afraid to die. I can think of nothing more beautiful that living in eternity with our heavenly father among those we’ve loved and lost. No pain. No sadness. No MS. No, I am not fearful of death, as it is only death of my shell, my soul will thrive and live on. The imprint I leave behind is up to me and I hope to live with such intent, such passion and such reverence for life itself that those I leave behind will be better for having known me. Yes, I am limited in what my physical body can do but I refuse to let that stop me from thriving. Each day I seem to face a new hurdle be it physical or emotional and although I may stumble and fall I will get up each time. I want others not to remember the number of times I fell, rather, the number of times I got back up. I will live this life to the fullest and I will leave this world a better place.

Bring it 2014.